And I dreamed I'm on vacation."
... Addiction is a terrible thing. As the fifth day/night offline yawns on, everything I said in Sonata in D Minor is more true than ever. You don't want to hear about that, I know. Addicts are unable to tolerate the futility and self-destruction of what they are doing. I'm living with one mind here, the blog-mind and one mind out there, in the real world. In the real world, you easily see how the rise of credit in western civilization bonds like Bondo with the Internet. The addicted can't see that. They think all their information is safely stored online. Heh, wait until that day you cannot get to your email, or your bank account, or any search engines and all your little favorite places are in the broken box that has repair people laughing at you, seeing those beads of sweat break out on your forehead as the estimate goes higher. Why do they revel? Its their last chance, seriously, the price of laptops is so low, soon the repair people won't exist. Not that they were any good to begin with as addicts themselves, usually alkies. You know the signs. I have just a few stolen moments with you today, courtesy of the Firekeeper who I think feels a little sorry for me while catching his favorite dragster quartermile race, so I won't go into long descriptions. The race will be over soon and then, well, its goodbye again, friends. One day I will be back. I don't know when or how. It looks bad at this time, I see no way this situation can be remedied, not next week, not next year. Now, I am finding out what it is like to live without being a co-enabler.
Already I am sick of zombie-ing out in front of the TV thinking, thinking ... thinking how weird it is Detroit is the new New Orleans, have you noticed that? I lost touch with any "news" 5 days ago. I'm just distilling what I've seen so far, 10 years of "so far" and trying to make sense of it. First, one has to get past the "Why me?" and then rearrange your new life. Somehow, I'd managed to tie my painting into my blogging and now of course there is hell to pay. The digital is as useless as is the printer now. Everything was connected, and everything has come apart.
The Firekeeper has been trying hard to find a way to put me back into my addiction. As he scrolled through the financing options for new laptops, I couldn't help but see everything I've written here about the money economy roar up in front of us like the Beast of 666 breathing flames over my efforts to blast him with my Star Wars laser weapons. Once you appease him and allow his bloody claws into your bank balance, the door to the castle falls open over the moat and a thousand million hands arise from the flaming waters to drown you alive. Each purchase leads to another and then another, and there you are, everything you read about that is happening to other people is just waiting to happen to you. Everything in our New World is designed to operate on this system. If you elect to opt out, you will have nothing and be able to get nothing. If you opt in, you never realize the transition you've made.
Its quite a bit like Vanilla Sky. Life online is the Lucid Dream option. I like to think I have not really made my choice yet, I like to think there is a choice to be made, I'm standing on top of Rockefeller Center, the wind blowing in my face, wondering about it all. Its all that keeps me together right now. This must be happening to other people. I guess you might say I'm not ready to jump into real life all the way, except, there is always the except, I made my choice long, long ago, very willingly, too and am swirling in the vortex now. What we like to think and what is real are very different things.
I will be around, every now and then, probably during the next dragster quarter mile if I behave myself.
Maybe tomorrow, maybe never. In the meantime, I've got some painting to do. One thing that is interestingly becoming more and more obvious in this time of exceptional weirdness is human beings have a need to focus. Its a requirement in the same way food and shelter are required.
Bulletin Board: Sending love and get well wishes to Dadnerd. Belated greetings to Tex.
66 comments:
Nina:
If you ever decide to leave hyperreality for good, do you have a snail mail address?
My friend from a middle eastern nation that has been the repeated victim of US aggression just told me a story tonight that was horrific: he almost started to cry, and he's never cried... It wasn't video or youtube bs. It was his story.
Some, like my wife, are still motivated by these stories to try to "do something." Do what? I have no hope that anything will be done... if anything is "done" to this system and its enablers, it will be done to it by self-destruction. May it happen soon.
Even my deluded brother, sales executive and consumerist extraordinaire, told us tonight he is "worried" about the economy. For the first time he didn't make his quote. He's gone from buying $3k carbon fiber bicycles to considering getting a roommate to help pay the mortage in a timespan of one month.
If my brother is worried - the same man who said a few months ago that anyone who didn't have a job was just too lazy - well, it's time to expect some real fireworks in the unreality of the economic miracle we are about to experience. By miracle, I mean a miracle most of our fellow citizens will consider to be an evil economic death ray that melts their dreams. Just like the dreams of a 3 year old child were melted in the story I heard tonight.
God help the USA if karma is real.
Well, enough of that. Follow your inner pole star Nina and everyone else. Be well... be strong. Keep in touch.
If I lived close enough, I could fix your computer, Nina - I'm a good tech even though I now dislike working on computers. I can't seem to forget the skills I learned when I still found them interesting.
Beloved one,
Of all the computer users on the planet, you are definitely one I deem more worthy.
A candle has been lit and a prayer to the digital goddess has been whispered.
Let me know when it manifests.
veriword - bringly
Nina, I hope your digital detox is quick and painless. There is a positive side, of course, and it seems that you may have reached a point where the 'net has served its purpose?
I know that the creative part of you will continue to express, we just might not get to enjoy it in the comfort of our own little computer crackhouse. I know you jest a bit about this being an addiction (or maybe not? I know NOTHING!), but that is not a statement to be taken lightly I fear.
Whatever you do from this moment on, know that I am grateful for all you have shown me.
Love,
Z
We will (all) always be connected--not to worry--
Jj
Itty bitty netbook computers that run on Linux are available for under $400. They avoid the Microsoft trap and the painful entry price of a Mac. Most of these are probably perfectly workable and probably could run Google's new operating system at some point.
Yes, selling the operations of your computer to Google is like selling ones soul to an omnipresent alien entity but.... it can't be an accident that every version of Windows ever produced is chock full of backdoors and flaws that allow somebody else to take over your computer.
Are there any angels out there that can boost Nina for four bills? Somebody out there buy a painting; you've been itching to anyway.
Me, I'm waiting till Google starts taking applications for the position of "slave." It couldn't be worse than my current circumstances.
We got two as christmas presents for the boys a few years back--both dell--one was 200.00 and one was 250.00 used through a friend--the only difference was that one has a dvd drive and the other doesn't--all we have bought since is 2 batteries--
One runs windows xp, and the other UBUNTU--all the anti-virus, etc we downloaded free at download.com--still using a gateway laptop that's got to be 10 years old if not 12--the screen went on the one, so I transplanted the other one that has our business accounting software on it and is not connected to the web--there are deals out there--check ebay and look for a reputable seller with a long track history--just some thoughts--I'll check with the guy we got those from and see if he has any others--
Jj
I found this passage to be apropos:
A delicate balance can be struck. Too much attention given to the pathological theatre outside of ourselves lead to emotional identification with the very messages we seek to dissect and diffuse. With the initial emotional investment, ownership is assumed over these substratum messages. With the assumed liability we tend to obsess over what we feel is our property and our unconscious catalogues the inundated commentary. Like any kind of investment, as long as we continue to give it value, it will appreciate within us.
Before long, a petty matrix viral attack becomes an unencumbered disease within. The result is a cacaphony of phobias and paranoia. The road to insanity is sure. Deleverage and rid ourselves of such “toxic assets.” These are not our messages, we did not create them, nor should be continue to give them value. Holding them hostage in our mind because we feel that we have to know every little detail about the game will eventually bankrupt us. Useless distractions of Aristolean comparison and analytics trap us to the two-dimensional rationalistic plane futilely looking for the ultimate answer. The infinite traveler must never settle into a consensus. Accept momentary truth but realize that truth is not static. Yesterday’s truth is burned in the inferno of new experience. Be open to the next dash of lightning across the sky of consciousness.
I dont give a damn about the world... anymore....... I took a shot... of meth......... and i dont care anymore,,,,, i could give a good gdp
i will miss you.
Anonymous: Please get your drug terminology correct--one does not take a "shot" of meth. My guess is that you are confusing your generations "shot" as in whiskey with a "hit" of meth--work on it--I'm sure it will come to you--maybe put a baseball cap on backwards and wear your pant half-way down your butt--
I admit I went into WRH a few times over the past months and it is interchangeable with anything that has been written over the past ten years--so why go--must be the crash on the side of the road--or cleavage--just can't look away---it's a guy thing
I'll continue to check in here from time to time like I pop into Les's every so often--in the meantime,(doot, doot, doot,) lookin' out my back door--which is all that really matters--
Loved the gallery link while it lasted--it was fresh air
Seems like there may be a control issue at work here as well--
Best to all.
Jj
It's only fitting that following my own long absence, I return only to find that one of my friends is setting off on her own.
Truth is, as much good as the 'net does, it does a lot of bad, too, and yes, even for us. It connects us to those far away and disconnects us from those in the same room (my mom and my sister, chatting, while I peck at the keyboard.) It teaches us things we never would have thought were possible, and then we find ourselves putting every spare moment, searching ... searching ... looking for that one piece of data that will ... what? Complete the picture? Complete ourself?
But that's impossible.
I've gotten to the point now where the news is almost redundant. Whatever I see, almost, it's like "Oh, of course." Simultaneously so much of what is worth knowing cannot be learned through the media, only reached and touched through gnosis and for that, a computer is of no use at all.
I'm not about to throw my computer out the window. Hell, yes, it's an addiction, but like all addictions it also serves a purpose and in my case, I don't think that purpose is quite served. Nor is it for most of the species.
And if it's not through with you, yet, either, Nina (and I have a feeling we'll be seeing you at some point, perhaps after you trade a painting a new laptop ... and what's one old painting? Next to the masterpiece you're no doubt at work on.) if it's not through with you, either, well there's always a place for you here in our little opium den.
Amazing, heartfelt comments. Psychegram, that one piece of data we think we need to tie it all together is what keeps us coming back. We have that one piece of data: Everything fell into place when cokebottle glasses got desperate on the tube last fall. Our real rulers made themselves more than clear. New Markets, to hell with at what cost.
My entertinment yesterday was to read the coffeetable atlas cover to cover. Published 2004. 400 pages and no Deigo Garcia exists. Oil rich nations are shown as cattle producing nations. The US has no debt. Greenhouse gases cause problems in Brazil. Nothing to worry about.
Today, I zombied out with the TV, again, this time on news, news which is only one part of the multitudes of communities of kings and groupies, Hillary wanting the world to know Iran is running out of time and Sotomayer responding to pro-life/pro-choice as hypotethetical questions unworthy of responses.
Today was the hottest day I recall in all of my life and it is only mid-July. The locals say its the worst year for foxtails, needle-like thorns which come from cheatgrass, an introduced weed that is green in early spring for a week and dries to spindly beige, thus the name "The Golden State". Cheatgrass translates to wildfires. Take away the goats and sheep that mow it down to a manageable state and you get an entire, endangered world's 5th largest agrarian economy growing biofuel corn and littered with overpriced, foreclosed Little Boxes made of cheap imports. Yes, it wasn't always that way.
It doesn't seem I'm missing much, but I am. I'm missing my friends, our community, the humanity of Charles Eisenstein's writings, Charles Hugh Smith's explanations of what is happening to us and why, your blogs, Visible's spirituality with which to guide us through these times and Neptune's getting us up on the right side of the bed with healing works and thoughtful art.
Pangolin and Jj, I'm looking seriously at your suggestions, its not easy because I can only look for a few minutes using someone else's system, it wouldn't be fair for me to surf and abuse this favor.
Tex lay off the meth, you can't read me or see art under the influence of speed.
We have to go on in this way for ... I don't know how long. But I was blown away yesterday when the Fireteacher announced he'd made a call on a used laptop but ended the inquiry because it did not have photoshop.
Su, maybe the Diva is working as well as she is able. I love you. All of these comments bring tears to my eyes, you all are to good to let go!
Hi Chickory. Hey Publius! Z, my man!
I need Dadnerd news.
Later, my friends. Sooner than later. THANK YOU.
Don't be tied down by photoshop. There's a reason that people pay whatever the hideous price for it, yes, but there are alternatives.
Mac drivers frequently use something called Graphic Converter, a shareware program, that lets you do most of the easy photoshop maneuvers.
I'm sure there are shareware options for Linux and Windows machines too. Just not sure what they are. Computer just big information toolkit for me. I don't care how it works as long as it does what I want.
I think T.V. news is pretty much worse than your nastiest porn. They whitewash so much nasty behavior that it's hard to stomach. Like Arnold going on t.v. daily and proposing putting half the poor people in the state to the curb as if they were so much garbage.
If I saw Arnold standing on top of a pyramid with a big obsidian knife and a beating heart in his hands on t.v. you just know the happy patter would be about how much this did to appease the gods and improve the economy.
Yech!!
Photoshop can be found anywhere there is an internet connection--
There is a good discussion at Petri and Origami(starting)--It follows, or leads along the lines of what we are talking about--Either visible is speaking more in english, or I am getting the translation more clearly--I guess it's what I already knew--but a confirmation from time to time is nice.
Your computer will find you Nina--if it is meant to be-even with certain obstacles in the way from time to time-don't push it--and there is your answer--
Jj
I have one word for a free Photoshop replacement:
GIMP
Welcome back, Nina.
Got a concerned email from a friend who is in Sweden, married to a Swedish wife.
The climate in Scandinavia has rapidly changed in the past few years. There are what he called "hurricanes" in the winter. Summer storms that have never occurred before. The sea life and sea temps are changing fast fast fast.
Bizarre. He didn't seem to realize the likely outcome, though - this is only the beginning... what happens when it accelerates?
What did Darwin say?
What happens to the rabbits when they overpopulate and there aren't any foxes around?
But that, alas,is an eternal cycle.
I have a new project to try: getting up an hour or two earlier, and exploring the riverbank for plants useful to our species. I haven't had time during "normal" hours with a full-time job and child and wife and duties and distractions.
I will use the awful drug caffeine, hidden tastily in my coffee, to get me going as the sun rises.
good luck all with your plans and ideas and dreams!
Scanning the pennysaver and local flagrag classifieds. No other way to find anything since dumping the paper in 2002 and landing out here in the far boonies. Something may come up. But it will take time. For now, the Fireteacher turns on my blog when he sits down to dinner, sadly, he's a fast eater. We'll be meeting this way a while. He won't allow me to close the blog. I won't ask why, I'm supposed to behave myself.
Okay, weirdest news I heard today, as a Zombie, slugging caffiene, reading a novel a day while laying out my masterpiece, how do you like this one from the MSM pundits? Jobless Recovery. Tastes like green shoots, doesn't it?
Saddest Speech Ever Award goes to Obeewan. Dude lost his Black. He might as well have been a caramel Ken doll, nylon and vinyl. No soul and they knew it. Auto applause from the red blinker, he tried to reach into his community organizer backpack a few times, but its gone too. This might not have been so embarassing had not Kweisi Mfume spoken the year Bush boycotted the NAACP. Where Mfume had 'em in shouting the aisles, in church, reaching, crying, Obee provoked humiliating confusion, curious wonder, who is this guy, what planet ...
Photoshop is a Dell add-on starting at $60. However, I'm not going to go the way of usury. If I have to wait, so be it.
All thanks and praises to the Almighty Creator Jah the Heavenly Father, I and I be meeting over dinner until I and I meet over bush tea at first light. Jah Guide the bredren and sistren. The Quail family brought their spring babies up this morning to bathe at the Mofusa Memorial Park. So beautiful.
"Saddest Speech Ever Award goes to Obeewan. Dude lost his Black. He might as well have been a caramel Ken doll, nylon and vinyl. No soul and they knew it. Auto applause from the red blinker, he tried to reach into his community organizer backpack a few times, but its gone too." Nina
This is as fine as writing gets, Nina. This is "firing on all cylinders" prose. This is capital A Art!
I'm happy to hear you're being encouraged to keep doing this from up close and personal. It's not easy to dismiss others' opinions when you can feel their breath.
Thanks Arthur. I am happy to see you. That wasn't even my good writing, that was just talking. I save my good writing for the home page, someday when I am really back, I will write what I think is my good writing just for you.
Maybe I can talk POA into allowing me a few more minutes to visit TWN and I can see YOUR good writing. I have been aching to visit over there. Its all this slouching out in front of the tube.
In my opinion good writing IS “just talking”, Nina – “just talking” without the brain-fart stroke-outs that naturally occur between thinking, talking and hearing.
My good writing happens when I'm writing within the constraints brought on by melody - it doesn't usually happen at TWN or anywhere else on the net. And sadly, I'll never be able to share that stuff with you because that is something I do under the auspices of my real world identity - an identity I have to zealously protect from discovery for reasons I'm sure you're aware of if you have been reading my commentary elsewhere. (wink)
I have to work hard to write really well and that's not something I have time for when I'm spouting off about the weights of the world. That's why it was so nice to discover a place like your blog where good writing and clear thinking is the norm rather than the exception.
BTW, there's nothing really much to read that is interesting on TWN just now - the comments section has been co-opted by a couple of blood-soaked, fruit-loopy Hasbarabots. So you're not really missing out on much by not being free to visit these days. lol
Give it a week or two for them to get their medications adjusted or a pink slip from the mother country for causing more pain than gain for the “Cause” before you hazard a visit is my advice. (insert wide-eyed grin here)
There is a season...turn, turn, turn
Jj
Hey Fellas, I should probably make a new essay, but I don't have the time. If I wrote it out in longhand before I got here, it wouldn't work, thoughts go too fast. But I WILL try it, if necessary. Arthur, I did visit TWN and it must have been the wrong day, I wasn't disappointed, but there was just not enough reality. Reality is what I am going through now, we all are, but so few have any idea what it actually is. They should, too, we had enough warning, from the screw-up administration who handled this crisis-coming-along exactly as the energy wars were started, greed-driven, blame the next guy, instead of thoughtful, considerate management. Okay, maybe the essay will have to wait for the weekend, or another computer, whichever comes first. I can't even make links now, so let me recommend Pangolin's recent essay, link on my bloglist. He should write more often, he makes great points.
I miss everyone, very sorry to be so brief. Something will happen soon to remedy this situation however bleak the bigger picture appears. And it is bleak, western civilization could continue to cave until another world war partnering with pandemics.
I have a few more minutes. Just want to say the comments you all have left here despite my inability to be around a lot and converse, are incredible and make me more determined than ever to get back here regularly. Speaking to you Z, Publius, Jj, et al.
See you up the road, asap.
I have been keeping an eye to the horizon and so far, no mushroom clouds--not sure whether to take this as good, or bad news.
If my eyesight was better, I would be watching out for amoebas and viruses--they tell me that they are there--kinda like god--as yet, no confirmation on any.
I emailed the dadnerd the other day but have not heard anything in response--his take on everything will be excellent food--for thought and wonder.
Jj
I so look forward to hearing from Dadnerd.
Everybody read J.H.Kunstler's most recent? That would be Clusterfuck Nation, also on my bloglist.
Stay well. Stay up. Looks like pot is going to be legal soon. Heh.
I'll I can say is that the new ad from that vodka maker will be something like this:
ABSOLUT COLLAPSE
It's nice to know that we will all be "required" to purchase health "insurance," and we'll be fined if we don't. We wouldn't want the insurance companies to lose customers because people are too poor to afford their overpriced ripoffs...
The flu thing puzzles me. It seems like a non-event right now... what's up with all the hype? I have a young child, so I am a bit worried. Any advice? Fear, of course, isn't useful. Will the government's vaccine help or hurt?
It seems that the more one focuses on one's immediate environment, biological, social, spiritual - the better one will fare in whatever is to come. It might even be possible to create a sub-reality that is impacted very little...
Man, do pumpkin vines and leaves get big. They are beautiful monsters! I look forward to seeing an orb growing and waxing on the ground like a moon.
DO NOT GET THOSE FLU SHOTS--YOUNG OR OLD-- They have not even come out with one for the "H" flu--the gov't in it's wisdom has bought billions of dollars worth from...hmmmm Rumsfelds company and others.
If flu shots are mandated, that is one of my lines in the sand--end of story--that is how strongly I feel about it--
They say it's not how many people have dies from it (not many) but the way that it is spreading--up is down and down is up-
And remember, you will be fined if you don't have any money--hmm, maybe we can get you to do some public service in place of that....just sign right here and get in that boxcar.
Will check out Kunstler
Jj
So many roads, Jerry, so many roads..........
I got down on my knees and prayed for rain three days ago........
Awash....
Did you ever hear a toad cry again?
Or a snake drown?
4.5 inches. Feast or flood.
Thank g-d, thank g-d. Agriculturally,
we are in business again.... it seemed hopeless! I was never going to participate again. Then this. mmmm!!
-TEX
I wish I had never found your website, or Les's.
Finally it has made me confront my
heroin addiction.
I am so disgusted with myself, etc.
All that crap about suicide, etc. Just crap. I looked in a mirror. It was not a good sight. Im a liar. a cheat. I lied to myself.
Only the tomatoes survive the blight. Tex.
Dont know why I feel close to you nina but i do.
I feel so nekkid, do ruff, I just feel so ruff.
Addiction. Thats what it is....
dont you know its a business?
Big bizniz¡¡¡
Doesnt excuse ME!!!! Dont.!!
I apologize to all the folks on this site: Les, Nina, all the rest.
All the things I have said have been
under the influence of heroin. TX
We know a pretty young 19 year old who got hooked--ragged out in 3 months and kicked it--working now and happy--that's some nasty shit--one of lines I never crossed, and I crossed plenty--
Wishing you the best life has to offer Tex--
Jj
Come Monday night Tex, we can talk about this in more detail. Su's Diva did her magic, Jj was right about not pushing things.
In this respect, we will point a Diva your way and you will just slowly, not pushing anything, slowly, but surely gather in love and life.
I have never read or heard of anything that will help someone do what they must, but don't want to do and fear doing, except love and friends who understand because they've been around the block a few times.
Keep posting, speak to me. If I am not around at the very moment you post, someone else always is.
As I just said to Tex, Desie-SuSu, the Digital God came through. Thank you! Some would call it a miracle, I call it love. Thank you for your prayer. Please let me know when something comes up that I can return the favor. I am always eager to get in on the healing where you or the unschooled or animalia are involved. You know that.
Namaste.
In case of a reality dysfunction of the opiate induced version or otherwise Dr. Pangolin* would suggest ayahuasca. Quasi-legal even. Look it up yourself.
*not a real doctor
Loved the non-Medical disclaimer Dr. Pangolin--I'll think more along the lines of Dr. Suess (sp?)
On another note--Nina: Got an email from Carole--Dadnerd is home but too weak to use the computer--Let's continue to send him healing and strengthening thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you back on line--did you get a computer?
Been canning here like crazy listening to some cranked up Pearl Jam and Graceland--friends are playing at the local hotel tonight--be good to get there and air out a bit--
Jj
There is a goodness in you that lights up the screen and your art, Nina.
Bless you for both.
Thanks Arthur. I accept that in the same way I accept that you were really here from the first day you left a comment. No awkwardness, no confusion, no explanations necessary.
It occurred to me today people are fond of quoting homilies such as opinions define a man, but I find this not to be the truth at all. A real definition would be the heart shapes the man since opinions usually come from quasi credible sources, especially in this time of the revealing of veils under the veil, but the heart belongs to the man and the man alone.
It would be fortunate indeed if this was how you always are, wherever you go, however you live. I believe it is so.
While I, for one, would selfishly love to have Dadnerd's take on ALL these comments, we musn't trouble him so soon during the healing phase. Only when and if he's up to it. For now, just the news that he is out of the hospital is enough. How strong he must be! Stronger than he'd let on. We should have known.
Thanks for the news Jj.
Yes, my new laptop arrives Monday, I've already handwritten an essay. I'm not excited or anything. Uh huh.
Dr. Pagolin, A great prescription, I concur, but only in the right environment. A little preparation is helpful. Maybe a nice RV with cold juices, some musical instruments, a caring friend, far away from the city under these warm Milky Way skies.
I've heard amazing things about this kind of healing, they say all it takes is a good long look at what is going on. It makes total sense to me when too few things do. Seeing oneself is completely different than seeing what the representative self, the controlling, promotional interferer striving to present a distortion to the the public is doing and why the oneself is vulnerable to such incessant hijacking.
The fact that it works when nothing else does tells us it is not only possible, but a huge milestone in personal achievement.
Thank you POA for this amount of time taken away from your own interests. Never think I am not grateful.
Beloved Nina,
Have just lit a candle of gratitude for the diva.
You beautiful worthy being.
Delight abounds and Monday will bring a new posting from a beautiful new lap top.
Yipppppeeee.
Indeeed, Yippee! One more day, just one more day.
Now I'm wondering if there is a Diva who specializes in breaking humans' hard core patterns of self-destruction? A Diva who goes right into the resurrection of the true, the natural self? Surly there are prayers and a candlelighting we could do in sychronization when Tex is ready?
And Su, thank you. And thamks to George and thanks to the Unschooled.
I'm wondering if there is a Diva who specializes in breaking humans' hard core patterns of self-destruction? A Diva who goes right into the resurrection of the true, the natural self?
Mama ayahuasca is just such a being. She not be easy to work with and be fickle as to how she is courted. It's not as instant a path as legend tells.
There are, of course, other paths, none easy. As an artist, I think you're just describing the same mountain from the other side. We all look at the mountain; it's just it's so hard to see what we're looking at.
Me, I'm going to "dance church" in a few hours (if I ever get to sleep) and spin myself silly.
Many paths; one mountain.
Perhaps we are already on the mountain where the elements are strong and bleak--perhaps it's the valley we long for--
Everything else we have been told is backwards and upside down--why not this
Instead of "climbing the mountain" let nature take it's natural gravitational course and roll down to the lushness of the valley....a mud slide would be nice...and fun too.....
Su has a new one up that you all just have to read and soak in--
Jj
Thanks Jj. Su is pretty much indescribable. Man can she write.
Pangolin, this dance church sounds very interesting, do tell. You include a necessary and often overlooked element to self-resurrection, thank you, spinning, shaking yourself sweaty silly is just as important as understanding what happened. I am talking about release.
All right my friends, just getting through this one last day until some stranger drives up tomorrow in a truck with a box... Oooo, its hard. Gonna dance now.
We meet Sunday mornings at 10 am. We go into a dimly lit exercise room and stretch while soft music plays. There is a brief opening circle around 10:30, then no talking till closing circle at 12. In between we dance ourselves silly. The music is the sermon and dance is that sacrament.
You sound like you know exactly what I'm talking about.
There are dance church groups all over and growing. Your closest group is probably Santa Cruz. I'm north of Sac.
It's uplifting, refreshing, healing, an exorcism, silly and sexy. Beyond words.
The relevant google string is: "sunday morning ecstatic dancing."
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DanceChurch/
RIP Marmaduke aka John Dawson, NRPS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
gfGD94CchJU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
W3D9iOJwRC8&feature=related.
Is there really life as an english
teacher in San Miguel de Allende after
a rock n roll career??
Today has come and gone, so I'm doing the limbo until my spine scrapes the wood floors.
Meanwhile, there is a lot to discuss and the delivery truck is holding it up!
I might start a dance church here. Got the music, got the moves. Is a plate passed, or is it free for freedom? I think release should be free, but contributions to rent the grange would be accepted. Its a very sparsley populated area. Wait, let me look at your link for gui-dance.
Thanks! One bright jewel hidden in a sea of mass tragedy.
I heard on Fox yesterday (while surfing for solace, like morphine for doom) a guest pundit say "The best thing is all those boomer hippies gave up their silly ideas, and they were so silly, too." Everyone at the discussion table agreed.
Rushing tonight, no more rushing soon.
Is there really life as an english teacher in San Miguel de Allende after a rock n roll career??
I can't get video on this machine, please illuminate me.
Your comment about life as more than one great, but limited adventure is provacative in that it is the question of what comes afterwards that is on everyone's mind these days.
I've been lurking and thinking and working on a beautiful turntable so that it will be ready for adoption by someone who disdains digital music.
Speaking of which, I started playing the Grateful Dead video below, and my wife came out and shut the door as she was trying to sleep, saying, "do you mind?" What she said is more profound than she realized. I am not sure if I am minding what I should keep in mind, or that I know which way to direct my mind yet.
But can someone tell me how to find or read Su's blog? I assume it is one of the blogs to which Nina links, but am not sure which one.
Hope all are well and that Dadnerd is healing.. and that Tex is working through it.
Nina-
I dont know where this goes.
Dont listen to lies. I went to an
ibogain clinic s. of the border...
could only afford it a week..... thousands of dollars....
Im beginning to get my faculties back.... I have been a horrible liar on heroin/morphine...just just absolutely twisted. I apologize to les and you if it affected on you... you know the way the lies work.
Nina,
I think the info on our friend Marmaduke aka John Dawson teaching english in SM de Allende was in the NY Times obit.
Can you disbelieve it? I am the walking dead at 56. Trying to turn it around a bit, though.
Ill fite this to the end of my days... methshoots, etc. shit. Look at it. William S. Burroughs lived to be 83, and I plan to follow. I have a lot more work to do....... I know I suffer a lot of contempt from some of your followers, but ...
tant pis pour eux. I stay away from the drugs when I can..... when it gets to much......
Dont you people ruminate to me till you can give me an alternative.
I have 7 cigarettes, some booze, some pot. A shot of meth When you can give me an alternative, Im all lissen. I dont listen to the whines, I listen to the reason, if any.
Forget it jj,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
1GSpbuFSr20
Anon: The video link you left is not available any more--
Anon: here's the alternatives-live life fully, die, or live like you are dead--it's up to you
Jj
Nina,
Please tell me the yellow delivery van has arrived.
aha- now I found Su's blog! I just clicked on her name...
Reality. I have lost touch with that to be sure, and I blame Oxycontin today. I hope and pray that Dadnerd recovers soon and is able to share his experience with us when he is ready. I have been looking away from the internet/blog world for a couple weeks but am glad to see this dialog continuing and hoping news is good for all who are being challenged right now.
I took a little saunter through the Western Medical System (including a 2 day hospital stay last weekend) and it was a trip to be sure. Got ordered to do nothing for 2 weeks and to adopt a steady diet of oxycodone while some disc issues sort themselves out. Not life threatening, but a valuable experience in what I DON'T want to deal with ever again. I am NOT a fan of the Pharma fix, and am grateful to be insured what with having just completed a bankruptcy and all. I'm sure I'll still see a hefty bill, but it would have been over 30k in the past 6 weeks alone with the recent scans I have had to boot. Fined for not having insurance or destroyed financially for decades, maybe even WITH insurance?? Either way, you are "owing" someone. What a scam the whole damn thing is. I want my healing done totally differently, and without these damn fog-inducing drugs and their shitty side-effects.
Pangolin, in searching for some answers about the self-healing process and the Ayahuasca tradition, I have long believed that it could be a key in my quest to reverse a auto-immune problem I have. If one can obtain a GENUINE, guided experience here in the USA, I need to find out about it. Any info would be most appreciated, and I am 100% serious about this as a medicinal process, not a recreational one. I am also willing to travel, but so many of the options I have seen look like a Club Med deal and how would you know a thing about the folks running the show? I need to find a way to make this happen.
Tex, I don't know what to say other than to encourage you to decide which avenue is most important and keep re-affirming that position each and every moment if need be. Pretty much what Jj says, you either choose to strive to live or to accept the notion that you may be O.K. with dying (this is NOT guaranteed, either, however). I can't speak from the point of addiction you are experiencing, so for that I wish you the best and encourage you to listen to those around you that offer their experience and loving support. Failing that, you may have to find a way to rely on yourself (you know, the TRUE self), which involves discovering who is really in charge and nurturing that connection. Others have reclaimed their lives and if that becomes your priority you will be successful with or without help (help is usually better).
Z
OOh, a 2-parter. I ramble on....
Publius, we will catch fish, oh yes we will!. Sorry to be incommunicado, but too much "down" time and I can't be driving anyway.
My garden mocks me. It grows and is producing all kinds of fruit, and I can only stand by and order the kids around as my hands. The motorcycle is strictly off-limits.
The guitars, on the other hand, are not, and I will be putting up a collection of ancient cassette 4-track stuff that was recorded back in the '80's and 90's so those so inclined can see what my friends and I have contributed to the musical realm with a promise of new, professionally done tracks to be coming up very soon. I can sit comfortably in my little studio chair and dump analog to digital, and it will be up in a week or so. It's hard to cut tracks sitting down, as I tend to like to jump about a bit when playing - it is my version of dance church, only it involves 3 or 4 other guys and amplification. It is Church, though, and I have missed it these past 2 weeks.
Being told to lay down and not move has had its advantages. I'll bet not having 24/7 computer access has as well? I have missed your writing, Nina, and Les' and all the folks around the Trout Clan fire and elsewhere, but have rediscovered the paperback and have taken up some fine writing by Charles Eisenstein (I bought his books, including the outstanding so far "Ascent of Humanity"), who is helping reshape my views of food. I learned some stuff recently about MSG and how much is in our food (disguised!), and it was shocking, both the effect and how pervasive it is. Hey Tex, since you may end up having to change almost everything anyways, consider an honest evaluation of your diet my friend - lots and lots to learn but so many connections between what we put into our bodies and what we are compelled to put into our bodies. There IS a connection. Learning about inflammatory and anti-inflammatory foods has been a huge eye-opener as well. I realize I have no clue how to eat properly, and as I make small changes the early results have been profound. Change everything!
Looking forward to a new essay, Nina.I offer my sincere gratitude to the Divas for assisting all.
Jj, I keep looking for those clouds, too. I'm seeing some others of interest, but not the ones some may have expected. Crank the PJ and carry on, brother.
Love to all,
Z
You can try 5HTP, Triptophan, L-Arginine powder, multi-vitamins (best quality), you will also need extra C-E-B....it runs the gamut--Juli found some books helpful (the one who stirs the cauldron--Mrs-Jj is the authority--I just take what I am told to--I mean that in a good way--
If anyone is interested, I can get the book names, and authors--there's more to it than just take this for that--although that can be done too.
My Uncle--86 now, is/was an alcoholic--sober since about 50--he said thank god he didn't grow up in my generation, or the kids-too many things you can fuck yourself up on, and all he had was alcohol in his generation--
I only smoked pot a couple times in high school--didn't really like it--never did heroin, acid, pills--I'll leave you to fill in the blanks as do what I did do (in my teens and twenties)--good thing that when I was doing it, I never really had much money--as Jimmy Buffett says: I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast--it really wasn't much money but it was, at times, what I had.
Another thing that is epidemic is folks who are on pain meds--for chronic nasty pain, losing their health benefits and turning to heroin--dirt cheap, works "better", and readily available--all temporary of course...gotta feed the beast...
Jj
JJ is an idiot..... he doesnt know the pain....... want to share 50 years with me?
I know, I know, your baby batch was ruff....... but try 50 years JJ, try it... try it on..... it's ruff.... it is really rough..... I've been in and out of soup kitchens and all that shit.
IDONT CARE ABOUT IT GET OVER IT!!!!!
I love you, JJ, but I have no sympathy for you. I save for that for myself. Its 105 now, gotta can figs.
I don't want any sympathy-Did I ask for any?
I have a great life that I truly enjoy--I've gotten lucky with some things, and other things I have worked at, including how I see things and how I can let go of the shit--
That you see me as an idiot, or just felt like saying it, doesn't mean a thing to me--did you think it would?
That I "don't know the pain", I see as some luck, and making some good decisions--or at least not making too many bad ones--
Maybe focus on yourself in a less self-pitying way and fucking grow up--
I'm not your problem, or your salvation--
Jj
My friends, we can surmise great lessons from the saga of the wayward delivery truck. Never before has one had trouble finding me. I called headquarters today with a tracking number and was responded to politely as we are recorded everywhere now and given a story so absurd I'd laugh, except its my laptop we're to laugh about. If it was making its way to me by satellite it would be faster. Sigh, what appears to have happened is no one makes deliveries now until they damn well feel like it .... Oh, here they are! Okay, see ya later.
Nina,
Observe the time of its delivery.
Probably find if it arrived yesterday it would have had Mercury in a dodgy spot which would be no good.
No my love the delay is absolutely perfect - keep dancing until it arrives.
We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really typing with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.
Anticipation, anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
And I tell you how easy it will be, to be with you
And how right your keyboard feels to me.
Bit Nina rehearsed those blog words just late last night
When she was thinking about how right her laptop might be.
Anticipation, anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
And tomorrow we might not be together
I’m no prophet, I don’t know natures way
So Ill try to see into your screen right now
And stay right here, cause these are the good old days.
Sorry Carli!!!!
Jj
So many great comments, so many things I could add, but I'd better figure this machine out so I can do a new essay. So far, what I am doing is making it just like my old laptop. Just about got it too. Heh. Play with it long enough and you too can turn Vista into XP. (Factoid: This new laptop has a very w i d e screen which is because the manufacturers want everyone to be able to watch plasma TV.)
I'd like to thank everyone for hanging around while I got this blog back together. Gawd, it was awful offline. Mister Man even said I gave off bad vibes. You hear that Tex, bad vibes ... sometimes when others point out what we're doing, we should listen, although that is one of the hardest things to do, if possible at all, when it is us most of all that the situation is affecting. In the end when the seige has passed, we are beholden to gratitude they were interested in helping us at all. The whole secret to feeling good is to stop thinking about our own SITUATIONS and do something to improve theirs.
nina typed: "It would be fortunate indeed if this was how you always are, wherever you go, however you live. I believe it is so."
You believe right.
"The whole secret to feeling good is to stop thinking about our own SITUATIONS and do something to improve theirs."
Now, ain't THAT the truth?
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